The Truth Hurts

I received my scores today: 125 raw MBE, 143 scaled; 60 on each PT; 70 on the Torts essay and 55's on the other five essays. Thus, the computer crashing incident that I have been freaking out about for the last four months had nothing to do with my failure. I can not believe I did so badly on the essays. I feel scared and angry right now. Angry with Bar Bri because I never received anything less than a 60 on any graded material when I obviously don't know how to write an essay. I'm also angry at myself for going to school out of state; I think I may have seriously disadvantaged myself by not taking any courses on CA law. But more than anger I feel fear. What if I can't do this? What if I fail again?

This was supposed to be the best year of my life. I was graduating and getting married; the future seemed so bright. Now, my parents are going to have to help me make my loan payments and my fiance is totally supporting me otherwise. I am so grateful for all the help but I also feel so ashamed to need it. I wish that I had never gone to law school. This was without question the biggest mistake of my life.

Sorry for the doom and gloom of this post but these are dark days. Practically, how do I improve my essays? I assume just more essay practice. I am going to work out a study schedule tomorrow. God - how I dread doing this again.

Shock and Awe - The bar exam pass list

The public results were released today and I have to share that I am SHOCKED to find that so many of my colleagues also failed the bar. I went to a T25 law school and admittedly graduated at the bottom of the class. I assumed I would be the only individual to shame my school with a failed exam. I was unpleasantly surprised to find that many of my friends have also failed, seven people in fact. (That should put my school's pass rate at around 50%. My school has always had passing rates in the low 90's/ high 80's.) I went to school with these seven people for three years and I feel that I know them quiet well. I had complete confidence that they would all pass. They all graduated from the top of their class at top undergraduate schools. (Then again, so did I.) My parents assumed that I would feel better having learned I was not alone in my failure. But actually I feel much worse! I assumed that I failed because of a horrible score on the last PT, simple bad luck. However, my friends did not have similar computer malfunction issues and they also failed. This scares the crap out of me. Here are 8 people who had great credentials, LSAT scores, blah, blah, and completed the Bar Bri course. According to everything I've heard we all should have passed. Instead we all failed! What? This is crazy. I will let you all know my scores as well as those of my friends as soon as they come out. I don't know what happened but if I am going to take this exam again I will have to regroup and start from scratch. Obviously, my previous approach did not work.

Failed the CA Bar July 2010

Well, yesterday was the new "worst day of my life." The information I entered does not match a name on the CA Bar pass list for July 2010. I am absolutely destroyed. I had felt a sense of calm the last couple weeks and had a good feeling I would pass. A friend of mine took, and passed, the NY bar even though she didn't finish her PT. I thought, at least I had two PT's and maybe the good will counter the bad. Obviously, I was wrong.

Right now I am trying to decide if I should take the exam in February. I honestly can't imagine going through this nightmare again. It would be one thing if I hadn't studied last time but that is not the case. I studied everyday and completed at least 90% of the Bar Bri pace program. (100% up until the last two weeks when I went off course to focus on the areas I thought I was weakest in, civ pro and contracts which were not tested.) I received 60's straight across the board on all of Bar Bri's graded assignments. I had no reason to believe I would fail this test. I was prepared. But it wasn't good enough. I don't know if that one PT is what failed me but shouldn't the rest of my scores have made up for it? If I really tried my hardest and it wasn't good enough then am I not competent enough to be a lawyer? Because that is what a failed bar exam is telling me. Am I not meant to be a lawyer?

More practically, I am almost certain never to get a job as an attorney in this market with a scarlet F across my chest.

My friends, family and wonderful fiance are all advising me to take it in February. After all I just spent almost 100K to be a lawyer and I will be paying down this loan for the next 10 years. Will it be for nothing? Should I just try again? But what if I fail again? I don't think my ego can take it.

I went to a T25 school so I feel that my JD should be worth something. I definitely think I'm qualified to teach high school government or something. However, all the teachers have been laid off too so there probably isn't any future for me in that.

This is a huge decision and one I will have to make quickly.